Okay look, Die Another Day left much to be desired in a Bond movie. I mean it had the debonair Piers Brosnan as 007, token black (kiss my ass colorists) Bond girl hawte Halle Berry and one epically cheesy Ice Palace that turned the first decent half into a laughable kickback to the Roger Moore smear on the series. It left fans with a bad taste in their mouth for James Bond but I remember the buzz about Halle who kicked ass as the sexy Jinx. The beauty went on to star in a movie called Cat Woman which featured a badly animated version of the villainess doing Capoeira in a designer cat suit. This abortion for lack of a better word made Batman nerds very angry. And let’s not forget that she was miscast as the African bombshell Storm in the X-Men trilogy which made nerds wince even more than Cat Woman did.
Halle – A Victim of Bad Action Roles
So to say Halle’s run with action roles has been awful is the understatement of the year, STILL how can we forget Jinx? People were so mesmerized by Halle’s real breasts being exposed on Swordfish that they missed the fact that she was a femme fatale across from Hugh Jackman. Ask anybody about Halle and action and you will either get a recounting of Billy Bob Thornton giving her a porno caliber bit of love in Monster’s Ball, or her headlining that awful Cat Woman movie. I don’t think it’s fair to Halle, hell Jessica Alba does all action roles, manages to screw every single one of them up in the sequence and still gets more love than the seasoned Berry (okay not recently). Halle is athletic, she’s a diabetic who manages to maintain a perfect figure even after motherhood, and she did a lot of her stunts in Die Another Day. While I find her dramatic acting to be… suspect, she’s a much better lead in action roles than many of the women that are trying to do so now. Big ups to Zoe Bell… a woman who should be our go to action queen but that’s another post.
Angelina – Proven in Action, Tempered in Drama
Angelina on the other hand is the total package; it is a curse that lands her numerous critics whose lack of finding flaws in her professional work has led them to attack the person instead through speculation. Angie is beautiful, has limitless acting chops and has proven to be a bit of a man eater (let’s see any of you hot blooded males can resist the lips and eyes). This has detracted from her kickass roles in movies such as Wanted, Tomb Raider, Salt, and Gone in 60 Seconds, the list is endless. After her stint as Lara Croft it seems that Tom Boy Angelina took over and every new role has to have her bloodied and scrapping (choke out scene in Salt for the win). She is also one of the only people to pull off the spy vs spy love story successfully with Mr. and Mrs. Smith across from Brad Pitt.
So in my dream movie you would put the proven player (Angie) and the struggling player (Halle) together in an all out action movie. It would me Charlie’s Angels sans the corniness. I can see guns blazing, knives slashing and the heroines showing the Lady Dragon qualities of fire and beauty in harmony. Haters be damned it would sell. Hollywood needs to make this happen! I mean at the end of the day we are seeing remake after remake after remake, the mainstay femme fatale Milla Jovovich is stuck in a tired loop of Resident Evil sequels, so taking a risk on two Academy acclaimed hawtes just does not seem like much of a risk to me.
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