Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Eliza Dushku


Since we're at the next to last week of the BS, thought maybe it was time to finally tackle a chick that has always struck me as one of the most overrated hotties working today. I personally think she's a terrible actress and not particularly hot, though a great deal of the fanboy community disagrees. Which is cool, because it would feel wrong to finish out The Body Shop without at least a little controversy since that's been a hallmark of the column since it's inception. It is time to take a hard look at: ELIZA DUSHKU!

Check her out in - Wrong Turn
ASS (6/10):
Ass? What ass? There's no there, there. Add on to that a distinct lack of muscle tone a lot of the time and you've got nothing to grab on for this ride. The only reason I didn't rate her lower here is that if you catch her in NOBEL SON then you see some proof that she can make it look marginally better when she trains it. Marginally.
BOOBIES (8/10):
I'll give credit where credit is due, and Dushku appears to have a nice set of lady bumps. If you want to some unfiltered looks then go ahead and google THE ALPHABET KILLER. They ain't perfect, but they are very, very nice. It also proves that when she said you had a better chance of seeing God then seeing her naked, she was lying.
FACE (6/10):
I know that a ton of people think she's a total babe, but I've always thought Eliza looked like a hot chick got genetically spliced with Droopy Dog. With a minor stroke thrown in along the way. It doesn't help at all that she rarely smiles, and when she does it is an awkward sight to behold. I'm not saying she's ugly, but for me she really is decidedly average.
PERSONALITY (5/10):
Of all the women that I've covered over the years, ElDu is the one whose personality I find least enticing (outside of the occasional celebutard that I've thrown in for fun). She's got a too cool for school vibe that I find endlessly annoying, and seems to think she's clever and charming while being neither. And on top of it she says things like, "I'll strip down to my underwear and my Ugg boots when I eat lunch in my trailer." It smacks of a pretentious play at trying to be sexy, but seriously, who the hell strips down to eat lunch, or leaves on idiotic footwear if and when they do so. That kind of overeager, false sounding ridiculousness follows her like a cloud of dust follows PigPen.
CAREER (5/10):
She's stayed busy. I'll give her that. But it's hard to miss that even Joss Wheadon couldn't make a show work with her as the star. Why people keep casting her eludes me, because she's been terrible in literally everything I've seen her in. She was even bad in a guest spot on THE BIG BANG THEORY. At this point in her career she is reason enough for me to actively avoid seeing something.
High points: BRING IT ON, WRONG TURN
Low points: SEX AND BREAKFAST, OPEN GRAVES
OVERALL (6/10):
Eliza Dushku is a good cauldron of most of the things that turn me off about a woman. An immature, inflated ego wrapped around a frame that is OK looking, but not nearly as hot as she thinks it is. Though I'll admit I may be the only one on the planet that thinks so. If she's your dream goddess then make your case below, I don't mind if you disagree. But I am curious if anyone else out there cringes when they see her being touted as hot or talented.

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