Nearly everyone who hasn’t been buried under a rock over the past ten
years has heard at least one story of a criminal drug trafficker trying
to smuggle their drugs somewhere either up their bum-bums, in their
va-jay-jays or even by swallowing condoms stuffed with coke, (only to
have the condom burst in their stomach resulting in them dying the most
speed-rushed death a Scarface-wannabe could hope for). Through the pains
of addiction and the pains of cramming hundreds of small baggies filled
with powder in one’s rear, drug traffickers and addicts have begun
trying more and more ridiculous and innovative ways to get their drugs
in places that drugs should not be, whether that’s jail, across borders
or out of the sight of police.
While all of these crafty criminals’ carefully concocted concealments
ultimately resulted in free bars and orange jumpsuits, they should at
least be commended for their attempted innovation… sometimes. Some of
the cases listed below may cause you to shake your head back and forth
while saying, “how,
how
did they get caught?” whereas others may lead you to uncontrollable
laughter over the abject stupidity of the felons that got nailed for
their extra “stow-away” bags. Of course the best ways to smuggle drugs
are those that have not made it to this list because without those methods of smuggling, there would not
be
a drug problem in areas that do not openly permit drugs. To those
criminals still on the run and keeping our addicts’ pipes full and noses
powdered, beware: any of these stories could be yours come this time
next year. Until then, enjoy the ride, pray that the condom doesn’t
burst, and
try not to look too suspicious.
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Penis's Foreskin
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Banks banks on His Johnson; Gets Busted

Our first guest on the wall of shame is a gentleman named Antoine
Banks. After being arrested for possession of a largely uncontrolled
substance by the name of Salvia Divinorum and quite a more controlled
substance, liquid codeine, during a traffic stop in Kentucky, Banks
thought he could fuel his habits just a bit longer by stowing away some
harder drugs when entering Metro Corrections following his arrest. As
all criminals are before they’re admitted into prison, Banks was
subjected to a clothed pat down when officers felt something out of the
ordinary in his boxers. Sure enough there was a tiny bag of cocaine tied
into the waistband of Banks’ boxer shorts. Now given the green light,
officers had a field day by ordering Banks’ strip search where upon
officers found yet another bag of coke tucked between his penis’s
foreskin and head.