DO YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO TALK TO A SHARK? No you don’t. You know who does? TSJ’s intrepid reporter, Melissa Bull, does. Bull strapped on her wetsuit and dove deep underwater to interview the stars of 2-Headed Shark Attack, Gemini (and Gemini), the 2-headed shark. Gemini, or Gemi (pronounced “Jimmy”), though separate entities, share the same name. The twosome proved surprisingly affable.
The Smoking Jacket: Hi Gemi.
Gemini: Can you address us as two separate sharks?
TSJ: I thought I was?
Gemini: You were looking sort of left when you said hi.
TSJ: I’m sorry about that. So, when you—when the two of you were growing up, did the other sharks tease you because you were different?
Gemini: At first.
Gemini: Because we’re special.
Gemini: We’re twice the shark everyone else is.
Gemini: That’s what our momma taught us.
Gemini: After we hatched from our embryonic sac she told us.
Gemini: Of course we’re less water dynamic than single-headed sharks. But we have good peripheral vision.
Gemini: And we communicate telepathically.
TSJ: So Gemi—what’s Gemi thinking right now?
Gemini: Gemi’s stoked about getting interviewed for Playboy.
Gemini: It’s true.
Gemini: He’s thinking something else.
Gemini: Don’t tell her.
Gemini: But I can’t tell you what else he’s thinking.
TSJ: And listen, I respect that. So were you guys excited to be in a movie?
Gemini: We thought we’d be relegated to the freak industry, so it’s great to break into Hollywood.
Gemini: Yeah, it’s great. The industry’s cool.
Gemini: We really have to credit our agent for fighting for us so hard to get the role.
TSJ: Did you wish Carmen Electra had been cast as a veterinarian in 2-Headed Shark Attack?
Gemini: That would have been good.
Gemini: She’s sexy!
Gemini: She signed our dorsal fin with lipstick kisses.
Gemini: It washed out.
Gemini: We want her to use waterproof lipstick next time.
TSJ: Are you guys methody about acting?
Gemini: We’re pretty experienced with swimmers so it wasn’t a stretch.
TSJ: Speaking of which, everyone thinks sharks are mean and scary. But when it comes to cruelty, what’s the difference between nature and nurture?
Gemini: We were raised right. Like to respect the planet and stuff.
Gemini: I like to say a little grace before I kill a life.
Gemini: No he doesn’t.
Gemini: You don’t know what I’m thinking.
TSJ: I thought you said you were telepathic.
Gemini: Are you talking to one or both of us? I feel like you’re not treating us like individuals.
TSJ: I’m sorry.
Gemini: We’re only telepathic sometimes.
TSJ: So what’s a typical dinner night out for the two of you?
Gemini: I’m more of a plankton man, but Gemi here really likes chowing down baby seals.
Gemini: Sometimes we compromise.
Gemini: Like we’ll eat a baby seals with kelp on the side.
TSJ: Was it hard not to snack on the actors while you were shooting?
Gemini: Our agent made sure we could eat a few extras before every shoot.
TSJ: Any word on a sequel, say 3-Headed Shark Attack?
Gemini: Dude this isn’t a carny act.
Gemini: Acting is a craft.
Gemini: It’s a passion.
Gemini: Ladies dig it.
TSJ: So do you guys have a girlfriend?
Gemini: That’s another misconception. We don’t share women.
Gemini: We will neither confirm nor deny our involvement with Carmen Electra.
Gemini: You’re pretty.
TSJ: Thank you.
Gemini: Do you have a boyfriend?
TSJ: Can I just get both your brains on the interview?
Gemini: Okay.
Gemini: What.
TSJ: There’s some controversy about the fact that all the actors are running around in skimpy bathing suits throughout the film. How do you feel about all the semi-nudity in the movie?
Gemini: Pretty good about it.
Gemini: Less flossing.
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