Did you know that pink was originally a masculine color? Indeed, royal baby boys were clad in it. Sometime in the last 100 years or so, though, it became the domain of the ladies, and we don't mind a bit. Dig these pictures of foxy pink-clad hotties. We promise no pictures of Pink.
I wonder if
Petra Nemcova started to feel a little weird with all that tsunami talk
in Japan recently? I'd get flashbacks if I were in her shoes. A true
testament to the miraculous ability of hot women to survive anything,
the Czech model looks as good as ever, especially in these darling pink
underthings.
Voluptuous video
vixen Vanessa Veasley... crap, I can't think of a V word for "looks
really hot in a pink bikini." Rumored to have hooked up with ultra-hot
rapper Drake to jumpstart her bootyshaking career, I don't really see
how she needed the help. She's also been linked with Justin Timberlake,
but that's not confirmed. Let me text him and see what he says.
It's not wrong
to have a crush on a celebrity for the majority of your natural life, is
it? Because that's the deal with Alyssa Milano. From the Who's The Boss
days on forward, the spunky brunette has been a singular fixture in our
perverse imaginations. Maybe this picture will help you understand why.
This may sound weird, but is Elisha Cuthbert going to do anything post-24?
I mean, she was way hot in that one movie where she played a porn star,
but that seems like it was fifteen million years ago. She's letting her
best years of being scorchingly hot go to waste. Something must be
done. I recommend a Facebook petition.
Geek goddess
Olivia Munn is riding a tsunami of fame right now, and congratulations
to her. It's rare that someone can transcend the nerd ghetto to become a
bona fide celebrity. I guess it sort of helps when you're insanely
gorgeous and don't wear a lot of clothing. I should try that. Or at
least the second part.
As with all of
our girlie features, we're going to take this one global, so get ready
to meet some new faces. Takako Yamada is a gorgeous Japanese model with
some of the best skin we've ever seen, and she's showing us a lot of it
in this lovely pink bathing suit. I'm not sure about the cut, but I'm no
Mr. Blackwell.
I really thought Rachael Leigh Cook was going to be a big star - hell, I'll proudly profess my love for Josie & The Pussycats.
But it looks like anti-drug PSAs were the end of the line for this
beautiful young actress and her dalliance with the A-list. She still has
time to prove me wrong, though.
So the whole
Pussycat Dolls thing kind of fizzled out, huh? Ah well, they had a good
run. I'm sure that Nicole Scherzinger has plans for her future after
winning Dancing With The Stars. It's kind of unfair for someone who dances as part of their job to be on that show, don't you think? What's next, Texting With The Stars?
Kim Kardashian is such a clotheshorse, I'd be surprised if she didn't
own something pink. Thankfully, she chose to wear this very flattering
bikini for some paparazzi. In this game, the winner is truly the fans.
I can't imagine
it being an easy task to follow Jessica Simpson into the emotionally
complex role of Daisy Duke, but April Scott sure as shootin' did a
bang-up job of it in the Dukes of Hazzard prequels. The fact that she looks cute as a button in a pink tied-off top sure didn't hurt her any.
Canadian actress
Sunny Leone is a former Penthouse Pet of the Year, but don't stereotype
her - sure, she's a gorgeous girl with a body I'd swallow pennies off
of, but she's also the first adult actress to have her own iPhone app,
and her hobbies include abstract painting and World of Warcraft.
She's one of the
hottest women in the world, and is set to be one for some time unless
something horrible happens to her face. Megan Fox looks great in just
about every color, but she's radiant in pink. Considering one of her
first movie roles had her being knocked into a pool while wearing a pink
dress (in Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen), this is like a tribute.
Yes, we were creeped out by all of the countdown calendars and other whatnot leading up to the legality of Harry Potter's
Emma Watson, but now that she's crossed the line of no return into
beautiful young legal womanhood, we have to say she's quite a looker.
Good job, perverts of the world, for not ruining this one.
This photograph
of English model Gemma Atkinson is like a peek into an infinitely
beautiful new world, where the terrain is composed of hot chicks in pink
lingerie reposing on comfortable beds. If I could climb through my
computer screen to this magical land, I would. But I'm writing this at
the library.
Yeah, it's weird
to see Heidi Montag on this list, but you know what? Before she had her
life-ruining orgy of plastic surgery, she was actually an attractive
young woman, if dumb as a bag of rocks. I'd like to believe that it was
the caustic influence of Spencer Pratt that caused her to ruin her
looks, but whatever the reason, let's just remember the happier times.
German model
Jordan Carver is famous for two things, and one of them isn't her
schnitzel recipe. Her 32HH chest friends have made her a super-popular
subject for photographers the world over, and this pink top is barely
keeping them in check. Strain on, brave garment!
Another day,
another photograph of Salma Hayek looking like the most gorgeous woman
on Earth. How come the Mexican authorities just haven't airdropped
thousands of these photos on the warring drug gangs in Tijuana? I'd love
to see you get up the gumption to decapitate somebody with those eyes
staring at you.
Japanese gravure
idol Mikie Hara has seen some exposure in these pages before, but we
just had to remind you of exactly how smoking hot she is. Through the
magic of photography, of course. I'm not sure how that top is supposed
to be worn in polite company, but nobody's complaining here.
Does it count as
"wearing pink" if it's just a neon-colored wig? You bet your ass it
does (no pun intended). Natalie Portman sexed it up in the little-seen Closer, and her turn as a stripper is a lot easier to watch than Black Swan, especially because she's got a little more meat on her bones.
Jessica Biel
looks spectacular no matter what she's wearing - you could seriously put
a cloak made of human feces and Brokencyde album covers on her and I'd
still pop a stiffy. But a sleevelss pink frock really brings out her
gorgeous skin. Oh, and her nipples. Did I mention those?
How lucky do you
have to be to snag this picture of Bar Refaeli disembarking from a
swimming pool, gorgeous body stretched to taut perfection? It's almost
like people follow the Israeli model around all the time, just taking
pictures of her! How absurd!
No matter how
low Lindsay Lohan sinks, we'll still have these lovely pohotographic
memories of the hot redhead in her prime. Curse you, cocaine and
hangers-on, for turning this gorgeous young woman into a battered shell
of her former self. Will you never be satisfied?
It is just insane that Halle Berry is forty-four years old. How does she do it? I know people who look like emaciated crones at half
her age. Sure, they live in Williamsburg and subsist on energy drinks
and indie rock, but whatever. She's got to be packing a genetic miracle
drug of anti-aging hormones. Let's drain her pineal gland.
Sure, Rachel Bilson is probably never going to soar to the heights of The O.C.'s
prime again, but that doesn't mean she's letting herself go (hear that,
Mischa Barton?) She still looks just as gorgeous as she ever did,
especially in this pink roller derby-esque costume.
There's probably
no Google Image Search query with "Denise Milani" in it that won't
yield at least one droolworthy hit. The big-busted Internet model has
become a superstar in a very short period of time with a proven
combination of hard work and innate foxiness.
I try to insert
at least one not-famous girl into most of these hottie features, just to
remind you, dear reader, that you don't have to be on TV to love
yourself. For this piece, this spectacular photo of maybe the most
beautiful girl to ever attempt the Myspace mirror self-portrait dropped
into my lap. And then it flew out of my lap, if you know what I'm
saying.
Classsic Britney
here, in one of her Candies ads. Man, if you ever want to convince your
kids of how time is Mankind's greatest enemy, just make a Britney aging
timeline. They'll figure something out before they're fifteen.
What is it with
England and hot girls? For a country that has an (undeserved) stereotype
of producing not very attractive people, they certainly have been
flooding the world with hotties as of late. Case in point, Keeley
Hazell, who is on the cusp of breaking big in the States for her insane
hotness.
Some are
demeaning Audrina Patridge for basically being a talentless hanger-on
elevated to C-list status for having great boobs and a willingness to
show them off, but this is America, people! If a girl wants to get
famous, let her get famous! She won't have those sweater puppies forever
(or at least not with their current perkiness), so let's enjoy them.
Pink is a
popular color for golfers, and while I'm not sure Diora Baird really has
skills on the links, it certainly suits her. The former Guess model has
made a splash with her unreal body in a number of films, including Hot Tub Time Machine. Oh, and she also worked as a clown for kids parties. Hottest clown ever!
Just as a note,
this is the young and saucy Scarlett Johansson, not the serious actress
Scarlett Johansson. You know, the one we liked in Ghost World.
Sacrly Jo has made some perplexing career decisions, but we're still on
her team. The alternative is a joyless slavery of the mind.
Yet another Dancing With The Stars
alumni (what is it with that show and pink), Brooke Burke won Season 7
before taking on the role of co-host with Season 10. I'm sure that's
fascinating to you. The former Wild On! host also just published her first book, which very wisely has the word "naked" in the title.
If you don't know the name Mayra Veronica, you haven't been watching enough Univision. The Cuban-American model rose to fame on Don Francisco Presenta,
and her incredibly smoking good looks have led to her appearing in FHM.
She also does a ton of volunteer work with the USO, traveling abroad to
lift the spirits of our brave fighting men and women, if they swing
that way.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to truly appreciate Rachel McAdams, having been forced to watch The Notebook more times than I'd like to admit. But then I look at this picture and all is forgiven. I'm psyched to see her in the upcoming Sherlock Holmes sequel.
Whatever
happened to Paris Hilton, anyways? It used to be you couldn't open a
magazine without seeing her vapid but somewhat hot face staring out at
you. And then she went to jail and now I guess from this picture (which
is documentary evidence) she cleans pools for a living.
From ashy to
classy - Beyonce always looks good, and she can rock just about any
outfit, so this shot of her in a body-hugging pink dress makes me want
to put a ring on it. That is, if I didn't think Jay-Z would beat me with
a tire iron and throw me off of the Queensboro Bridge for trying.
Australian model Emily Scott has appeared in some Robbie Williams videos and on Australia's Dancing With The Stars. I love it when other countries copy our TV shows, it's always hilarious. Like they couldn't do The Wire? She's hot, though.
I'm not sure
what to make of this minidress that Cameron Diaz is wearing. It sort of
looks like it's made from freezer-proof Saran Wrap, which doesn't seem
like it would be cery comfortable. But what do I know? Maybe she's
planning on taking a nice long nap in the vegetable crisper. That's how
she stays looking so young.
When I was
putting this feature together, this image kept popping up in picture
archives labeled "Alicia Keys." Dude, this really isn't Alicia Keys. No
way. I mean, I wish I knew who it was because I think I love her and
want to kidnap her, but no way in Hell is it Alicia Keys.
Do you think Kristin Kreuk is going to come back to Smallville for one last hurrah now that it's ending? I mean, it's not like the phone is really ringing off the hook for any Street Fighter sequels. I kid, I kid, but she's a hot chick, she can take it. Can't she?
Pink is a very
popular color for two-piece swimsuits. I wonder why that is? I mean, I'm
not expecting any kind of world-shattering answer, but any excuse to
get Marisa Miller to talk to me, even if it's with undivided scorn, I'll
take.
Sure, Tron: Legacy
was a bit of a disappointment, but we're not laying any blame on Olivia
Wilde's doorstep. How could we? Hot girls are never responsible for
anything bad in the universe. I'd rather blame computers.
Kelly Brook is
probably my favorite new hottie of the 2010s - not only does she have a
body that I would kill a North Korean for, she's also got a sense of
humor about herself good enough to appear in the gore-soaked Piranha 3D.
If you're
looking for a hot blonde who looks good in a thong, model Sara Balint
might be the girl of your dreams. Sure, she doesn't have much going for
her besides a smoking hot body, but when your job is displaying ass
cleavage, what else do you need? You don't even need a GED, for God's
sake!
British pop tart
Cheryl Tweedy is wearing a pretty amazing outfit in this picture, isn't
she? It's sort of like a rejected late night Power Rangers uniform without the mask. I have to give respect to anybody who lets Zordon do their couture.
Eva Longoria
Parker may be on the second-worst TV show currently airing, but that
doesn't stop her from looking her best. She's one of those ladies who
it's really hard to make jokes about, because she's just so normal and
nice. Curse you!
Alina Vacariu was proclaimed Romania's Model of the Year at the age of 14. I could make so many inappropriate Borat-styled
jokes with that setup, but I keep looking at that picture and
forgetting what I was going to say. And then there're all these weird
charges on my credit card.
When Tyra Banks
calls you "the future of the modeling world," check for flecks of rabies
foam by the side of her mouth. Unless you're Alessandra Ambrosio, in
which case it's the truth. The leggy Brazilian supermodel is one of the
hottest chicks in the game right now. Yes, the game.
You wouldn't
expect the she-wolf to wear pink, but of course Shakira has a feminine
side. It's... all of her sides. Not quite sure what's happening in this
picture, as she looks like a weird hybrid of an apex predator and a
ballerina, but I'm curious to find out... with my life.
And we close with another
Brazilian model, just because we can. Adriana Lima is such a hottie
that even her last name reminding me of lima beans (the worst of all the
beans, in my opinion) doesn't tarnish her beauty. I hope this journey
through the world of pinkness has been a rewarding for you as it was for
me.
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