Since we're
at the next to last week of the BS, thought maybe it was time to
finally tackle a chick that has always struck me as one of the most
overrated hotties working today. I personally think she's a terrible
actress and not particularly hot, though a great deal of the fanboy
community disagrees. Which is cool, because it would feel wrong to
finish out The Body Shop without at least a little controversy since
that's been a hallmark of the column since it's inception. It is time
to take a hard look at: ELIZA DUSHKU!
ASS
(6/10):
Ass?
What ass? There's no there, there. Add on to that a distinct lack of
muscle tone a lot of the time and you've got nothing to grab on for
this ride. The only reason I didn't rate her lower here is that if you
catch her in NOBEL SON then you see some proof that she can make it look
marginally better when she trains it. Marginally.
BOOBIES
(8/10):
I'll
give credit where credit is due, and Dushku appears to have a nice set
of lady bumps. If you want to some unfiltered looks then go ahead and
google THE ALPHABET KILLER. They ain't perfect, but they are very, very
nice. It also proves that when she said you had a better chance of
seeing God then seeing her naked, she was lying.
FACE
(6/10):
I
know that a ton of people think she's a total babe, but I've always
thought Eliza looked like a hot chick got genetically spliced with
Droopy Dog. With a minor stroke thrown in along the way. It doesn't
help at all that she rarely smiles, and when she does it is an awkward
sight to behold. I'm not saying she's ugly, but for me she really is
decidedly average.
PERSONALITY
(5/10):
Of
all the women that I've covered over the years, ElDu is the one whose
personality I find least enticing (outside of the occasional celebutard
that I've thrown in for fun). She's got a too cool for school vibe that
I find endlessly annoying, and seems to think she's clever and charming
while being neither. And on top of it she says things like, "I'll strip down to my underwear and my Ugg boots when I eat lunch in my trailer."
It smacks of a pretentious play at trying to be sexy, but seriously,
who the hell strips down to eat lunch, or leaves on idiotic footwear if
and when they do so. That kind of overeager, false sounding
ridiculousness follows her like a cloud of dust follows PigPen.
CAREER
(5/10):
She's
stayed busy. I'll give her that. But it's hard to miss that even Joss
Wheadon couldn't make a show work with her as the star. Why people
keep casting her eludes me, because she's been terrible in literally
everything I've seen her in. She was even bad in a guest spot on THE
BIG BANG THEORY. At this point in her career she is reason enough for
me to actively avoid seeing something.
High points: BRING IT ON, WRONG TURN
Low points: SEX AND BREAKFAST, OPEN GRAVES
Low points: SEX AND BREAKFAST, OPEN GRAVES
OVERALL
(6/10):
Eliza
Dushku is a good cauldron of most of the things that turn me off about a
woman. An immature, inflated ego wrapped around a frame that is OK
looking, but not nearly as hot as she thinks it is. Though I'll admit I
may be the only one on the planet that thinks so. If she's your dream
goddess then make your case below, I don't mind if you disagree. But I
am curious if anyone else out there cringes when they see her being
touted as hot or talented.
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